Murphy\’s Bye-Laws

Law #4: Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. –H.D. Thoreau

“Identity” Theives: The Joke Is On Them!

Posted by PintofStout on October 15, 2007

Somehow someone has acquired some information about your finances and runs amok, dragging your name and good credit through the mud. Sometimes this involves a social security number (our quaint national barcode) among the various account numbers and such that may be tied to it allowing the thief to spend credit and maybe real money that doesn’t belong to them. This is what is considered identity theft, as if the whole of our identity can be distilled into various sets of numbers. The term “identity theft” somehow invokes a feeling of invasion stronger than just theft; something more akin to demonic possession, rendition, or the complete erasure of any evidence of your existence on Earth. (Sounds bad, doesn’t it?) The truth is they only get your money, the same as any thief, and the feelings of invasion and hurt are the same as having physical property stolen.

If someone tried to steal my identity and only came away with my money, I would think that they would be sorely disappointed. They would have missed my sense of humor, my friends and family, my intellect, my moods, my sense of self – in short, my identity. My identity is hard to steal due to its kinetic nature and constant metamorphosis (also being intangible helps).

The notion of being wholly composed of serial numbers, account balances, and credit history is as big of an affront to my identity as having these things hijacked for nefarious purposes. Any sane society would rightly consider the taking away of these things more of a liberation than theft. In fact, the real identity theft is as systematic as an assembly line and starts mere hours after your birth when you are tagged with your barcode. This is followed by at least 12 years of identity-snuffing “education” to make you like everyone else and then categorizing you in voting blocks and tax brackets, making the looting of your identity complete. At this point you become American, citizen, tax-payer, Democrat, employee, consumer, …. a number.

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11 Responses to ““Identity” Theives: The Joke Is On Them!”

  1. thesofine said

    Wow. Great post. I couldn’t agree more.

  2. RecessiveGenes said

    I concur. This is a fantastic post. Human identity is so much more than account numbers, credit scores, job descriptions, etc. Identity can be fluid as well. Think about how different people see you in disparate ways. Your co-workers see a version of you which is different from what your parents or siblings see and most certainly unlike what your significant other sees.

  3. Thanks, Fellas. Does the title make sense at all? I was looking at it last night and realized that I wasn’t so sure.

    Anyway, it is weird that the most off-the-cuff, just throwing some stuff down kind of posts get the most favorable reactions (at least in comparison to the longer, more worked over posts).

    I appreciate the comments. It’s especially nice to see you around, RecessiveGenes; you’ve been quite recessed lately. Thesofine, did you catch the poem I added to the comments of the Valuable Theory of Labor?

  4. thesofine said

    Yes, I really liked the poem. (I didn’t want to clutter your comments section).

  5. Sunni said

    Spot on!

    (And in answer to your question, yes the title makes sense.)

  6. There is no such thing as comment clutter, in my opinion (unless you are selling drugs or a porn site or a mortgage or equity loan or auto insurance or….).

  7. swimz said

    This was just ok. I think you’re missing the point and should read more about the vicims of identity theft. I just came away with the notion that you, in general, just have a hard time coping with our complex world. If anything, those “numbers” empower people more than they hurt us. You also aren’t aware of the fact that 500,000 children are victims of identity theft. 90% of the theives are the children’s own parents. Usually the parents have made a mess of their own financial responsibilities. So they open accounts using the social security numbers of their kids. Social Security is a Democrat thing anyway. Just another entitlement program. You want les numbers in life??? Quit voting to increase the power of government. Entitlement programs sound cute and fuzzy but… Well… You’re just giving the govt. and excuse to create another set of rules.

  8. thesofine said

    Swimz, I think you might have missed the entire point of the post; you might consider re-reading the post because your comment was tangential and less than just ok.

    BTW, the “think about the children” argument and your rant about entitlement programs – is that a joke?

  9. satchellpaige said

    I’ve been wishing someone would steal my “identity…” I could use the laugh! They’d never get a credit card, or even a checking account, rent or buy anything significant, and, they’d have my felony record. ID thief, where are you?

  10. “The truth is they only get your money”

    Great post, however I must say that identity theft goes much further than just your money. SSNs have been used to gain employment resulting in additional taxpayer burden and significant confusion and strees resolving issues with the IRS. Identities have been used to obtain medical care, resulting in a mix up of medical records. What if the thief was a diabetic and this was noted on the medical record. Then the innocent victim is taken to the hospital and given a drug based on the thief’s medical record and it kills the victim. There are documented cases of this happening.

  11. […] my introspection in the second post listed above, “Identity” Theives: The Joke Is On Them! is an exploration of identity and the dialectical opposite mistaken for identity in our serialized […]

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