Early and Often
Posted by PintofStout on October 31, 2006
In the spirit of the season…campaign season, I want to kick off a campaign to make everybody’s election more, well, fruitful. I hate to see so many people waste so much time on something so futile, so I want to initiate a campaign to encourage people to engage in something infinitely (and intimately) more fun and productive. Instead of voting, everyone should use that time to have sex instead.
Yes, there are so many reasons why it would benefit everyone to have sex rather than vote that I couldn’t possibly list all of them. Why just think of the stress that would be relieved from the nation for just a few hours if they were pulling a different lever. Both acts can be obscene if done in certain ways, but only voting will leave the participants feeling dirty. Given the choice of how to spend that little slice of the day, why not choose pleasure over politics?
Sex is something you can share with someone else where it doesn’t matter which way one goes or whether your ticket was a straight one. Sex also burns more calories than voting. Prefer to vote in a block? No problem, some prefer sex in groups, too! And finally, it will be a relief to actually get some say in who is giving it to us.
There could be stickers, banners, bumper stickers, and even condoms with a slogan printed on them. If only I had a good slogan. So far A___ and I have come up with a few, but I’m hoping for help via comments. Comments can also be left indicating the advantages of sex instead of voting.
Short list of possible slogans:
Early and Often: And I don’t mean voting!
Check a different box on November 7th
Waste half-a-minute on something better
Screw civic duty, get some booty
Get out the grope
There are better things to rock besides the vote
Coitus not Caucus
The Screw Voting Campaign
These are just a few of the suggestions A___ and I came up with. Help me out with some suggestions in the comments section and, who knows, maybe we’ll have a real movement in two years when this circus rolls back into town.
[Thanks to my wife, A___, for much help brainstorming this post.]