Murphy\’s Bye-Laws

Law #4: Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. –H.D. Thoreau

These Carts Are All Up In My Grill! (Pet Peeves Volume 1)

Posted by PintofStout on January 5, 2006

(That title was for you Adrienne.  Oh, yes I did.  Sheeeeiiiiiit.)

How many times have you driven through a parking lot following the desired traffic patterns, not cutting any corners and going a reasonable speed (it is a parking lot), only to nearly get broadsided by some jackass or flighty twit going .5 mach diagonally through empty parking spaces, talking on the phone and not paying attention to anything but her radio station – “O’migod!”, while you slam on your brakes and the groceries you put on the back seat are now riding shotgun?  Why do some people insist on driving – anywhere, not just parking lots – with absolutely no regard for anything around them?  Is it defiance of imposed order?  (Not really.  The order isn’t really so much imposed as it is requested.  Coming from a professed anarchist, this may sound quite weird; desiring some order, but a more enlightened understanding of the term anarchist will clear up any misconception).  Or are they just borderline brain-dead nincompoops who are barely aware of anyone around them or how to act courteously around the one’s they do acknowledge?  My money is on the brain-dead nincompoops.

I must admit that some of it is induced, though.  I’ve cut across parking isles before – hopefully not as rambunctiously as those I rant about.  Sometimes it’s the design, or just the plain laziness of the designer, that makes a parking isle ½ a mile long with a maze of concrete, trees, and shrubs at the end.  It takes an anal will much more retentive than mine to drive along this desired traffic route (if you can figure out what that route is).

Another pet peeve is the abundance of carts left in the empty spot where the asshole was previously parked instead of returned to the nice little corral not 50 feet away.  Are we really that busy that we can’t take one minute to walk the cart back to where it can be easily collected?  Maybe the people who leave the cart beside the car, pull out, and zip directly for the exit at mach speed really are in a hurry.  But since that miniscule effort is too much for some people, others are left to stop suddenly and have to back out of the parking spot they were going to pull into because someone left their cart there.   Besides taking up valuable parking spots (unless you park around the 1/2-mile mark) the carts can easily blow in the wind or get hit by the jerk blazing his own trail across the parking lot (I was guilty of this when I was younger and had a beat-up truck.  It was actually rather fun if your careful not to damage anyone else’s car.) pushing the loose cart into your or someone else’s car.  Saturn owners may not have to worry about it, but my fears are not so easily allayed.

The people who leave their carts rather than walk the extra 100 feet are likely the same people who will zoom through the parking lot to beat someone to that spot that is 20 feet closer to the entrance of the store.  Nevermind that they are going into the store to walk around, perhaps for miles even!  This makes no sense, but then again we’re likely talking about brain-dead nincompoops.  The only justice in this whole ordeal is when one of “them” zoom to an open parking space and has to stop because his courtesy-challenged brethren left their cart in the space, or when cutting through the parking lot a cart gets caught up in the grill of the perpetrator if a gaggle of stray carts doesn’t block the shortcut altogether.

So when visiting a parking lot beware of the stray carts, stray cats, and straight-line drivers who are out to have no idea you are there.

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